Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The simple awareness of this vs. that requires splitting. What a trap!
It took years to realize I could acknowledge that a wrongdoer was doing their best, given their own context, AND that I had every right to move the anger I was holding from their actions.
I thought that because I knew where they were coming from, it was not okay to acknowledge their impact. But it’s about holding both awareness’s at once. Maybe they were doing their best, but we still have to work through the effects.
There's that frustration that their best is not so great and our resistant to that notion, in other words, we wish it were better and we want it to be better but we are really just resisting what is at the moment causes us to react in frustration and sometimes anger, to hold both awareness’s at once.
We suffer so much when we negate our own experience, when by focusing on the compassionate awareness of the Other's context and accept them as they are we fail to accept our own. No more.
That's true non-duality and wholeness. Enough splitting because everything indicates that the defence of splitting arises very early on.
So much of what people call non-duality excludes uncomfortable but necessary processes from the equation and actually creates splitting or perpetuate it.
Splitting is one of our most early defences the mind uses and it was well understood.
Splitting at its extreme shatters the mind of the psychotic patient into pieces. It has its place of course as a defence against unbearable affect but...we see it in bioenergetics/body psyche, the head pulling up and away from the body as an early defence, but splitting can so easily happen later as well, in so many forms. I sometimes think the only way we can manage this reality, at this stage of human development, is with some form of splitting.
It's bound to happen. Got to survive.
An infant has no way to know, for instance, that Love is indestructible. So it splits its hatred from its love. But in doing so, it also splits away its true Strength.
"The defence of splitting entails splitting away one's Power, because it is associated with the all-bad self-representation, and projecting it outside. The result is identification with a self-representation that is all-good but powerless."
I don't see how we can survive at this stage of our human evolution without splitting. All we are left with is to integrate and integrate as far as we can go.
Some more detailing on splitting - let's learn and activate more of that Brilliancy. . .
"At the beginning, in childhood, there is a relationship between the child and the mother, the parents, the environment.
When the relationship is difficult or painful, the child deals with it by splitting the difficult from the easy, the love from the hatred.
But to do that, you have to do it with your mind, because it is not real. You have to split your perception. You have to split your mind.
You have to believe something that is not there. That is the beginning of mental structure. You have to split the reality into this and that, split mother into good mother and bad mother. Well, your mother is never all good or all bad.
She is a mixture. So if you split her into good mother and bad mother, and you have to remember this and that, you are creating something in your mind that is not really there. In time, that becomes the mental relationship that you re-enact in your life relationships.
So there is the idealized mother, there is a frustrating mother, and there is the attacking mother. And your relationships with those three parts are what become re-enacted in your life as mental relationships."
This and that. At some point, we can be taken to have a look at all the ways we split reality into two. Or mind does it in so many ways – it’s quite amazing to recognize that.
I do believe though, in service of a more positive view of splitting, that splitting or polarizing is a perfect reflection of where we still are.
That is, we have work to do in those divisions and polarities before we can actually have a sustainable experience of unity.
We see the appeal of pseudo non-dual teachers who are handing us a glimpse of a non-dual state, or something akin to it maybe.
But we also see the peril in that, because in order to hold to that, they have to feign resolution on the polarized planes of consciousness.
To actually end the splitting means to fully welcome all the split-off parts of ourselves. Splitting is splitting-off something.
And yes, pseudo non-dual teachers abound. I see more integrated humanity in psycho-therapists than most of them. Thank Goodness, slowly but surely, a "metapsychology" - as one had it - is emerging, with teachers that embody the fullness of The Story, not just bits and pieces of it. Oh and not that The Story has an end-point. An end. . . It's always "and...
The wisdom of all the polarities blended into a drink called enrealment.
It’s all there, even the kitchen sink.
The funny thing is that they were never two, those two.
We just made that up.
Reality is innocent of all our wiseacrings.