I got stuck last night in an old pattern again. Even though I have been consciously driving myself toward new ways of relating, sometimes I forget my new navigation system and fall prey to habit.
This time was a little different. I had the awareness, as it was happening, that an opportunity was being presented to me.
An opportunity to bypass my knee-jerk reaction and change, right then and there, in the present moment. To operate from a place of doing what my heart wanted versus doing only what made the most practical sense.
It was a little messy as I felt the struggle – internal and external – of feeling pulled each way. But my whole gig right now is about getting free.
And I am learning that, for me, it’s actually self-sabotage not to run toward joy and fun.
I know my capacity and what I’m capable of. I don’t ever need to run toward responsibility since that's ingrained in me, no matter what.
But I can’t keep mourning my unlived life if I don’t jump at the chance for adventure when it’s desired and totally doable.
Last night I saw the inner workings of this play out in a new way.
The next time “an opportunity” presents itself, I will remember to access my joy and dive in – without second guessing myself first.