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Friday, June 15, 2012

To FORGET and to FORGIVE??????

At what point, do we forgive someone?

Of course each instance where forgiveness is wanted or needed is different, the level of wrong, the extent of the transgression against us, determine our frame of mind when contemplating it.

I have always thought that some things in life are completely unforgivable – still do actually. 

Forgiving and moving on is not for the person who wronged us, it is for us. By holding onto anger, hurt and sadness, are we sealing off a critical part of ourselves that really needs to be healed? 
So I ask: 
By forgiving someone - are we giving them the power to hurt us again? Or are we giving ourselves the power to move on?

You cannot help those, who do not want it.

As I have journeyed through life, I have been hurt and I have been wronged - just like you and everyone else in this world. 

The lies and manipulations, I carry with me today. I believed everything she told me. I believed her when she made claims against others. I fought battles for her. I cried for her. I sold my soul, my very being, to be the best that I could be.
Over and over again.

I have come to some conclusions – including now knowing that there are some things in life that will never make sense. Some parts of life that the only thing you can do is choose to make peace.

Forgiveness means letting go of the past. It means letting go of the hurt and the anger and moving on. When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you do change the future.

I want to get to that point when I can think of the happy times that there were at times, and release the anger and the sadness. I know these dark emotions have no place in the future. I think I finally get that in forgiving her, I can release the power of the memories that hurt, that fill me with anger and sadness.

Forgiveness, real honest forgiveness, doesn’t happen overnight. I find that with each day, with each thought of her, the anger has lessened a little, but the sadness, not so much. I will know when I am there, as you will. Forgiveness is not on a schedule – but on your own timing, on your own terms. Thankfully I am really starting to believe in forgiveness – which it is something that eventually needs to happen!

I will never forget. But there will come a point when I forgive. For her, for myself, for the future.