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Thursday, December 6, 2012


When I was younger, my abandonment wound was so deep that it compelled me to hang on to connections that no longer served me.
If someone close to me looked away, I fused. But that is no longer true.

Now I let go of the connection. The wound is never fully healed, but it has come a long way. Some monsters get smaller and smaller over time, until they can barely impact on our daily lives, graduating from the school of heart knocks, one little test at a time.

I feel as though this whole area has been under-explored in the therapeutic movement, perhaps because the wounds are so terrifying, even for therapists.
People often ask me how to manage the abandonment wound triggers when they come. This is no easy thing, although I have found that it helps to feel the presence of other people to combat the deep isolation that the wound knows best.

If you have struggled with a deep abandonment wound, how have you been able to manage it?
What has helped your healing process?

Our soul will never abandon us, so with an open, loving heart we are not alone to fully feel the pain, and then being forth the wisdom we are being taught.
Abandonment gives us the chance to evolve trust, loneliness a chance to evolve intimacy and rejection a chance to evolve self-love.

Discovering there is a place within myself where I can be and feel at home and to remember to go there instead of abandoning myself repeatedly; finding my inner authority for making decisions in my life that are correct for me and me alone and thus discovering how life supports me to live as my authentic Self.

Human Design System and the consequent years of reconditioning are what brought me this.

Abandonment is like a disease, it eats away into your soul, triggering unnatural responses to even the simplest situations - being abandoned as a child has an impact which carries into adulthood and contaminates all relationships.
Awareness through meditation and other tools eases it somewhat, once the trigger is recognized, one can hold back the habitual response and if one can let those closest in on this so that they too can support you in your healing....once you start relaxing (through meditation) and loving yourself, it does become easier although the work is life-long.

We as an adult... When people leave us I feel it's because they are ready to leave the nest. We have learned all we can from one another and it’s OK to make new connections detach from the ego and nurture that which serves our spirit.

Learning to be my own nurturer and practicing being kind and loving to myself, also watching for the triggers and acknowledging the fears for what they are helps keep things in perspective..
An understanding partner helps.
Realising that people will and does leave you and yet, if you let them go, they also often come back.

For me Forgiveness and moment by moment Surrender have been healing balms, being able to see everything as a gift... not asking why, but what.

By becoming more aware of that which is beautiful and good in the world as Rumi said - that our wounds are just places where the light can enter; Learning, Feeling my connection to SOURCE and my world family through spiritual practice.
Being guided into opportunities for healing and becoming my biggest fan!