Forgiveness is one of the primary mantras preached by the ungrounded spirituality movement. This is not to say that forgiveness is a bad thing, but it is not the first place to go after an abusive relationship or traumatic experience.

Healing is.

Putting our focus on forgiving a wrongdoer before we have actually worked through our anger and our pain is another way the new age movement sidesteps their own unresolved shadow and the principles of accountability.

When it comes down to it, healing and forgiving ourselves is the important step. If forgiveness of other arises organically, so be it. If it doesn’t, it’s not important. 

We are not responsible for those who wound us.

They can take that up with God.

Healing is required for real forgiveness to stick otherwise an exercise in futility. Resentment, anger, victimization sticks around and hides in the recesses of the heart, first things first.

Forgiveness can never be forced...it seems to be more like a state of compassion for the other when you have finally released the attachment to the pain. 

Forgiving doesn't mean you forget it, or let it happen again....but forgiveness is more a true part of the process of healing, not separate from the healing.

I have learned that forgiveness is for the forgiver. 

Forgiving doesn't mean we have to be "buddies" with the person we are forgiving. Hence the term “forgives and forgets". We don't forget the wrong, we forget the person we have forgiven. Try no longer have power over us.

Healing and forgiveness are both intertwined. It's not as simple as A leads to B, which equals C. There are layers of forgiveness and healing - sometimes you think you've healed, forgiven and you are hunky-dory...only to have something happen which brings up new layers of 'stuff' that show you that you still have more to do.

We cannot really forgive if we don't even fully acknowledge that we have been hurt. But still, there is relief when you did not fully acknowledge feeling hurt and tried to maintain a strong face is was beneficial at times to forgive too soon.

Forgiveness releases the forgiver from stress. The fuller the forgiveness the fuller you can appreciate the blessings however small or even painful they may be. The fuller the forgiveness, the freer you are from "egotistic" feelings and the accompanying needs of those feelings.

So without going through a process of healing, I would think it would be impossible to truly forgive anyway.

ps/smoh