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Friday, January 8, 2016


Grief doesn't run to my schedule, it has an agenda of its own and descends at a whim oblivious to my goings on. It comes in waves, some days I am good and some days I am just wasted. I do live in a slow motion pace inside a bubble from which I see my altered world.
I live my life, tried to have fun, I laugh and all seems fine and then bam. There it is again. It may last a minute, 10 minutes, an hour, a few days and then it's gone.
Just like that.
I can't explain why I kept ringing her number maybe I was hoping that she would answer it.
Grief is crazy-making with an element of surprise and the constant knowledge that no matter what you does that person is gone, never to return, never.
Grief sneaks up on you when you least expect it; the reflexive reach for the phone is a hard habit to break.
Both happy and sad events can make you miss loved ones. Every little thing reminds you of your loved one, the things you did and the things you had yet to do.

I bob around without a foundation to bring me back to the same balanced spot each time, a spot I just can't get right. 
I am at a place where I have never been before.

love light and peace