Thursday, January 14, 2016
Mummy this sounds like something you have always told me again and again...when I am complaining about favouritism.
She herself was a very young bride, a teenager still in her teens>>>>>got married at 19 and become a mother at 20... I really hate that era.
Me at 19, I don't even know what I am, who I am, what I want....all I know is fun!
A few months ago I asked my mother to share some thoughts on the difference between guilt and regret. I don’t really have serious talk with her but somehow this time I felt that I need to. We all do have issues in life, being married at a very young age and became a mother at 20 just as life started to blossom and not knowing fully her role can be very hard.
One thing she said to me
“I know I am not the mother that my children wants me to be, but I did my best. I am a child myself when I married your father.”
People use the word “guilt” more often than is appropriate. Improperly using the word “guilt” can result in unnecessary emotional distress and harsh self-criticism.
The word “guilt” refers to something you did, something which you feel you shouldn’t have done because it was morally or legally wrong.
But what if the experience you feel guilty about was not something you caused or had control over? Then you would feel regret, not guilt.
As an emotional response to a distressing experience, the sound of the word “guilt” is harsher and more of a self-reproach than the word “regret.”
If you say,
“I feel so guilty” you should make sure that the deed and circumstances surrounding it actually warrant your feeling of guilt rather than regret.
"Death ends a life but it doesn’t end a relationship that lives on in the mind of the survivor. How we grieves is extremely individual when our parent died.
The mourning for a mother never really ends I think. A daughter’s feelings, thoughts, hopes, desires and attitudes are influenced by a mother. But this mother does not have to be the mother who existed in real life but who is a mother who exists in the daughter’s heart and mind. This is a mother who is carried within a daughter forever.
Every death of a loved one changes us.
There are special times in the developing daughter’s life in which the absence of a loving person is painful.
When we grieve we don’t know exactly what we need, and in the end, no one can provide the “fix” for us. Realizing that you don’t really know what you need all the time as you go through this is important, too.
Losing someone you love and care deeply about is very painful.
I experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness will never let up. I know these are normal reactions to a significant loss.
But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can renew and permit me to move on.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering one feel when someone we love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be. Trying to ignore our pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person"
love light anf peace