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Saturday, March 1, 2014

Remain open and loving ALWAYS....

Regardless of the type of parent you are or were, your children will spend half their adult lives focusing on your weaknesses, faults, and mistakes. 

It's an inevitable right of passage that enables them to differentiate from you, establish their own sense of individual identity, and improve the line in terms of the kind of parent they will become. 
To quote from the classic movie, The Breakfast Club, when the jock says to the depressed girl, 
"Of course you hate your parents. If we didn't hate our parents, we would never leave home." 
This developmental dynamic tends to be most intense between parents and their same-sex offspring, but it can go every which way for sure.

A word of advice: 

Don't fight it or try to defend yourself if your adult children have the courage to confront you. And whatever you do, don't say, 
"You had it so much better than I did when I was growing up." 

STEP AWAY from the rationalizations! 
Just be as fully present as you can and listen to what they have to say without succumbing to your need to justify your past actions or make comparisons to your messed up parents.  

Let your adolescent or adult children have this time to tell you whatever it is they need to say and be quick to apologize to them. 

Be humble and admit your imperfections. 
Be graceful in your openness to criticism. 
And most of all be loving. 
Always loving. 

Your openness to their criticism of you will doubtless be one of the greatest gifts you will ever give to your children...and to yourself. 

Because most of the time, they're right.

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." - Gibran



I love my mind. I just don't take seriously most of what that crazy little shit says.