Tuesday, July 1, 2014
"You cannot save everyone"
Should you help someone who is reaching out and deeply-hurting?
Do what you can to help people but have the wisdom to accept your limits.
You can only do so much.
You should never have a relationship based on guilt over someone's poor choices.
It is so easy to find ourselves in denial about someone's behaviour because we so deeply wish they could escape their pain and suffering.
But what we want for others doesn't work unless they want it for themselves.
People must save themselves, and you can only help a person who really wants it and is ready. You have permission to walk away from anything that doesn't feel right.
Trust your instincts and listen to your inner-voice, it's trying to protect you. Never stop sharing your love with people; that's why you were put on Earth.
But sometimes the way to share your love is to let someone go.
Staying in an unhealthy friendship or relationship can keep a person from finding their own way and moving to the next level of their own path and that person could even be you.
Sometimes the best way to save someone is to walk-away.
Real love sometimes means saying goodbye.
Your life was meant for more than being a life-long doormat for deadbeats, losers, gossipers, nay-sayers, dream-crushers, energy vampires, users, abusers, ragers and passive-aggressive back stabbers.
Some of these people are rabidly-infected with obvious madness.
Some have less obvious ways, such as the "helpful" enabler, who sends you off to your destruction with a helping hand and a smile.
Some are "doubt-whispers," who plant the seeds of non-belief in your heart to take root, so they can then console you in your inevitable moment of defeat.
There are also perpetual victims who feed on your constant attention. Call them what you want, you know exactly who I am talking about.
One thing always reveals their sometimes hidden identity after you have been around them, how do you feel; have you been depleted and drained or energized and inspired?
A person at peace can immediately recognize a consciousness in crisis, whereas those in crisis cannot fully understand themselves or others.
This is the eternal challenge with ignorance ignorance can't see itself.
People often turn away from good advice because they need something another person can never give them — discovery.
As much as we would like to help others avoid pain, sometimes we have to let go and allow them to receive their painful lessons.
Suffering is one of life's great teachers. You cannot save people from themselves. All you can do is stand firmly in your hopes for them, with compassion.
I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but it's impossible to give to others if you have been used-up.
Being a good person has nothing to do with allowing people to destroy you.
There are limits.
You can best help others from a position of strength, not weakness. So, don't forget to be good to yourself first.
Don't forget to take care of you!
It is never cruel to want to save yourself from being swamped by fools.
You cannot save everyone. Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them.
Their lives are full of emptiness, chaos and dysfunction, and they will bring their misery and pain into your life with full-force if you allow it.
Then there are others who have the outward appearance of success and are seemingly not self-destructive in nature.
These people do not destroy themselves, but instead survive through the destruction of others — these are the users.
Either of these types of people will latch-on to you in a death-spiral and take you down to the depths of hell with them.
This is your life and you have the right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself.
You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity.
Misery loves good company, so if you are surrounded with drama, gossip and fools you may want to consider that you are presently at risk of becoming one of them.
The real zombie-apocalypse is the pandemic of drama and mediocrity. Troublemakers will infect you with the malady of their madness.
And especially, if your positivity immune system is low, any exposure to a person afflicted with negativity can poison your life.
You have to get these people out of your life once and for all. One of the fastest ways you can profoundly change your life is to rid yourself of toxic people.
When you do come in contact with one of these people run for your life.
Get to safety.
Meditatively and spiritually decontaminate yourself. Scrub down your brain with a wire-brush and remove their insanity from the corridors of your mind.
Inoculate yourself immediately by creating a safe space and aligning yourself with healthy people. If you have to go it alone for a while until you find your healthy tribe and chosen family, that is fine.
Being alone is much better than being around negative people out of loneliness or desperation.
Boundaries and risk management are very important parts of living a healthy and positive life. Even professionals like therapists, psychologists and social workers limit their exposure to their clients and draw boundaries.
What makes you think you can handle unlimited exposure to toxic people and survive?
You can still be a charitable person who helps and cares about people, without helping those very people destroy your life.
Learn how to draw a line and learn how to enforce it.
Get selfish and take care of you.
You must clear out what you don't want, to make room for what you do want to arrive. The way to send a clear message that you are ready for better people in your life is the kick the rascals to the curb.
We strive our whole lives to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we need to get rid of people unconditionally.
The intimate space of your personal life should be reserved for amazing, beautiful, radiant souls — good, wholesome and loving people.
Your truest family is your chosen family, people with whom you most identify.
Make a clear decision on the type of people you want in your life and if they don't make the cut, then create some distance.
It doesn't matter if it is a close relative,
parent or child-hood friend;
no matter the history when people are toxic,
disruptive and dysfunctional with no reasonable signs of recovery,
then they need to go.
Sometimes, to escape a bad relationship and reclaim our lives, we have to break a piece of our heart off, like a wolf chews its leg off to escape a steel trap.
Love toxic people from a distance.
Now could be the time to walk away; hell, you may even need to run.