It is fascinating to look at disagreement.
Something someone says or does, triggers in me certain thoughts and emotions.
I feel a constriction, a narrowing, and yet I don't feel it.
The constriction is hijacked by 'Hey, you're wrong, I'm right'.
Then thought engages in arguing you down and arguing me as correct, because i don't want to feel constricted.
Suddenly, I stop.
What is going on?
I scan the body and discover sensation.
I might even discover that the sensation is overlaid with layers of thought...
'I don't like feeling this way. He did it to me. I thought I was over this stuff. She always does this to me. What's wrong with her? How come he does not get me? etc'
Then, I realize that this entire process has nothing to do with anyone else. It is strictly between me and myself.
I simply don't like this sensation and I am doing my best to block it...
To no avail.
As I get close to the sensation, as I enter into it...I see it is mostly space...
Space, that thought tries to turn into non space.
Simply the space of sensation.
Then I laugh.
Simple and clear
I think we can have conviction not in beliefs, but rather in learning how to live with the moving and dynamic nature of life.
For instance, rather than closing down around beliefs, we can ask,
“what is the best way to respond to life?”,
“What will bring happiness to self and others?”...
In this way we can have conviction in the dynamics of cause and effect.
This is not a static process.
There is no definitive answer… there is only each moment and how we respond.
This only seems like bad news at first. It isn't a bug, it's
a feature.
It seems to me that we all take refuge in our attempt to
find a resting place…a place of ease…something we can trust.
In an ordinary way
we often take refuge in relationships, in our friendship, in our work, in our
beliefs about how we think things are, in material wealth and so on.
But
because the nature of things is that they change, we often experience a lot of
heartbreak.
This is why the path begins with an investigation of the
unreliability of things.
When a friend isn't 'there' for me, I'm there for me.
It's painful to expect people to be what they aren't, and so radix!
