There is nothing to force. Everything is already happening. Endless learning is another name for consciousness....

For a long time I was still fond of the idea of God. I liked thinking of God more or less as synonymous with reality.
I often pointed out that the God I believed in was the same God any being believed.
It was simply a word for reality, a word that sometimes invoked in me a devotional feeling towards reality, existence. I still feel a great reverence.
But the reverence is for nothing in particular. Perhaps you could say that my concept of God now is more or less equal to nothing in particular.

I used to experience longing.

And I tended to think the thing I longed for was particularly unique or sacred and therefore justified a terrible longing despite the suffering. But that isn't really my experience any longer.
The whole thing holds a lot less intensity now.

I'm a big fan of ordinary experience.

And I don't experience longing for that because it's already the case.

Longing for something absent, yet I don't really experience anything as absent.

When people talk about God...I so much want to know what they mean by 'God'...asking that question can provoke pity, as if I am a Lost Soul-or even a kind of repellence-my refusal to 'believe?' my arrogance?...

Actually I neither believe or the opposite.
My only honest response so far is I don’t know..

Dogmatic being are just as bad as self righteous 'believers'...it’s that certainty and superiority that’s worries me..

'Certainty' tends to create a very closed experience that shuts down wonder or reverence.

At the most basic level I think 'certainty' coincides with some level of stress or tension. So that sounds good to me.
One thing, though.
Nobody else being 'certain' ever causes me stress.
Only my own certainty ever does that.

Maybe it’s a temperament thing, intensity of experience is vital to me, beliefs etc aside. I think certainty can very much coincide with wonder and reverence.

So, going back to is there an ultimate Subjectivity, God, Truth?

I don’t know, to the extent there is, then it becomes apparent in the wondering if it's so more than in the knowing that it's so, in my experience.
That's the paradox of it.

I'm not sure I'd describe it as certainty or truth any more than I'd call it God.

I think any word can become something we get stuck on unless we hold it really lightly.

I don't pray in the way you're describing.

I can't easily convey where my thinking goes instead. I see that my own thinking is directly responsible for how I view 'things'.
So although there is no controlling 'events' there is always the freedom to question thinking/assumptions/expectations *about* events.

And over time, I've learned that's where the suffering is born and not in events themselves. The net result is that the belief that I need control to be ok has dissolved.

Regarding gratitude..
My experience is that it doesn't require an object.

I don't need to believe in a creator in order to feel gratitude for creation.

ps/smoh

Keep it simple when it comes to your intuition. Tune into your heart and always trust your vibes.