You feel your way through healing...not think your way
through healing.
Real presence comes through the open heart. You cannot heal
and resolve your emotional material with your mind. Your emotional material
does not evaporate because you watch it. You can only heal your heart with your
heart.
I appreciate the value of looking at the question of whether
my judgements about another are a reflection of parts of me that I don’t like
and that I want to deny.
Sometimes they are.
At the same time, let’s not throw
reality out with the bath water.
Sometimes our judgements are actually
reflections of a conscious discernment process- we dislike certain qualities,
actions, and an absence of integrity- for legitimate reasons.
The “mirror defence” your reaction to another is merely a reflection back to you was likely
invented by gurus who wanted to get away with inappropriate behaviour.
There is
a meaningful difference between unconscious judgements and conscious
discernment.
A useful distinction is to ask if we are being triggered by
the other person's actions or qualities. If it's conscious discernment, we
won't be triggered, merely informed.
It depends on whether are casting judgement on particular behaviours,
on on the totality of another individual.
I find it quite reasonable to assert
that a particular behaviour is destructive and harmful. Often, however, people
totally write off the person who engages in that behaviour with a blanket
judgement:
"all she ever cares about is she",
"he's just a rotten person",
"and she’s a total narcissist".
I find that such blanket judgements are never accurate. The
essence of a human being can never be summed up in such a simplistic manner.
Such judgements also by their very nature impose a false sense of separation and
superiority which is ultimately an illusion since we are one.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
We need to pay
attention and look within ourselves with humility but sometimes the judgements
we feel reflect what our values are not just our faults.
Conscious discernment comes with compassion and no necessity
to act on it unless it's a gross injustice?
Yet, that can also be an excuse for
many reasons.
The important thing is to look at our judgements and really get
under them and understand them.
Some are based on our own crap even though they
seem reasonable and are excuses to avoid growth and intimacy.
And no matter how
you cut it, they could me a mountain of unknown suffering underneath the habits
or qualities you are seeing in another that need deep compassion and
understanding.
This is what makes the difference between a conscious way of
being and staying unconscious in many ways.
To see with our hearts what we
cannot possibly see with our minds, knowing that some people are sent to
challenge us in this way, to love them anyway.
And some are sent so we can
choose to say NO.
The difference between discernment and judgement it’s a
fine line to determine.
ps/smoh
